My poor multifandoms >~>

 

I’ve fallen yet into another fandom I’m scared your nervous but I guess we did it on purpose >~> SOS STRAYKIDS JUST WHY

I stan dem so bad I’m scared I’ll forget mah SVT bois but they’re mah ultimate group so yea hehehe >~>

SOS I have a soft heart for rappers that can sing :’) all dese bois can do everything and I’m so heufdjbkuhiosdf’

I’M SO OBSESSED ON WATTPAD I STARTED A PAGE ON THEM HUEHUE SOS

And my Studyblr #SelfPromoHere@studyvserenity on insta is basically a fangurling page XD Oh whale

I’m sad cause my one week holiday’s ending and I have tons of tests next week and my chemistry teacher is going to kill me for flunking his test cause I don’t understand anything :’)

ANYWAYS IM OUT BETTA STUDY THIS PLACE IS LIKE DEAD WHO IS STILL ALIVE >~>

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rip this blog is going to end up as a fangurling page and me dying over STRAYKIDS SERIOUSLY I CAN’T PICK A BIAS EFUOSDHJ’EIF8 MAYBE JISUNG OR CHAN OR CHANGBIN URGHHHHHHHHH >~> *has a heart attack*

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Life

You know I’ve always wondered the use of life.

Well not always…but in the recent year and months it’s something that has been on my mind.

Like my whole blog history suggests…I’ve went through some stuff in life. Still am, but it’s toned down.

I still remember the days I would spend crying in my bedroom (happened recently again) and the days I would secretly hurt and starve myself.

I look back now and…still feel like going back to that sometimes. I hate to admit it but yeah…I don’t know what to do anymore.

At least I have my bois to cheer me up with their unending positivity ;^;

We moved house recently and I finally got around to cleaning it up yesterday nighttt 😀 one high note.

I’m also quite stressed with this student ministry leader application thing I got from some highschooler. Considering I’m new to this school and all, I have no idea why I got it. But anyways…the form includes quite deep questions and also an interview…whale I don’t seem in any good condition to apply but my parents want me to.

High school is going to be really stressful for me cause I’m taking one year higher math and science and other stuff so I’m not sure if I can handle this…people have too high expectations of me =^= like now I’m procrastinating save me eek

Imma kick myself back to atoms and protons Zzz…so boring

Quick Update on my boring life

Basically every time I post it’s me apologizing for my sudden hiatus AAHAHAH

Whale quick update on my messy depressing life

I’ve been stuck at home for the past idk how many days, I skipped so many days of school eek ;0; blame it on the fever

My mom brought me to the hospital yesterday and I have some kind of virus which has a super long name I don’t bother to remember

All that aside I’ve been so distracted in life

Blame it on me slipping into the diamond life but I’m such a carat I can’t help it TuT

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BUT SERIOUSLY THOUGH MY HEART SENDS LOVE TO THEM IM CRYINGRUIFBUSFHW

=^= *pulls myself out from Fangurl mode*

ANDWAES ITS #MINGYUDAY WOOOOOOO

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He’s not my bias but I’ve come to wuw all mah diamond bois and they keep bias wrecking me XD #SaveVernonHeMyUltimateBias

MINGYU YOUR SUCH A GEM TO THE GROUP ❤ WITHOUT YOU THEY WOULD HAVE ALL STARVED WITHOYUT ALL YA SKILL IN 13 CASTAWAYS AND YOUR RAPPING SKILLS MAKE ME SHIVER AND YOUR VISUALS AND PERSONALITY OVERALL ARE SO PURFECT CONTINUE SLAYING AND BE YOURSELFFFFFFFFFF ❤

Yesh these boys sure have added colour to my lifu XD I need to do a blog revamp again kyahhhhh 😀

C Y A IM SLIPPING AWAY TO THE DIAMOND LIFE AGAINNN >~>

P.S. Vernon’s rap always kills me ;^; Its just too purfect for my heart

Everything’s crumbing down down down

I don’t even know how I feel now. It’s like I’ve lost all my emotions…like I have no motivation in life.

They don’t care, they said it a million times, they took it away…and left me blank.

I don’t know what to think now… They probably know only 1% of my life…the person who knows me most….maybe 50-70%.

I like keeping things bottled up inside…that way no one will feel burdened by me. I just want to be alone…why don’t you just let me go…

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Well it’s been awhile…

Hi there I’m physically alive but internally, I’m broken

I’m dying inside

And there is no one I can rely on in real life

Yes I’ve cried in bed, it’s becoming quite a routine

For me to become all emotional when everyone’s asleep

Yesterday was probably the worst

I literally cried so bad while I was ranting in my notebook

Yes I keep a notebook, I would consider it my only friend

At least the only friend I can trust here

I’m a loner…that’s what I like to tell myself

I’ve stopped caring about anything….about anyone

Yes I have problems…people have told me to see a therapist or counselor

But not even the school counselor managed to get anything out of me

Oh whale I’m just going with the flow now

Just doing the things I need to do in daily life

Not knowing what’s the use and purpose

I’m dying

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My Holiday

Honestly this is kinna weird…

I moved countries last year(feels so weird to type that out XD) so I applied for leave of absence under my school at my home country

So I’ve been going back to school, when everyone else in my current school is on holidays in Japan, US =^=

Oh whale my lifu, plus side note

went to the dentist and I have no idea what he did, he changed the type of braces I wore on my upper layer (honestly I like this design better, my bottom is still the normal squarish brackets though)

and he pulled it so tight, ugyrhfheuidj oh mai it’s sore

that won’t stop me from eating =^=

too bad mama 😛

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Happy New Year!

It’s been awhile since I’ve been here :3

But Happy New Year! ❤

To all you people still alive, yay ;^;

I sense the cringe XD

Anyways looking back, 2k17 has actually been one of the worst years, or maybe the worst

I’ve went through so much, depression, addiction, idk, my life crashed real bad

When the clock hit midnight today, I honestly felt like the same person, most of us did haha

I’m just going to sit here with my bag of chips and wish that this year will be better

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 Anyways #GonnaDoSomePromo

Farah if your reading this, this is all your fault XD (not in a bad way)

I’ve gotten hooked with Bullet Journaling, and I decided to make a studyblur @beckystudies dedicated to it, I’m not really good, but hopefully if there are anymore Bullet Journalers out there, we can support each other 😀

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To a great year ahead! 2k18!

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Goodbye

It’s time I’d say goodbye

It was about time

But deep inside even though I’ve said I’m gone

I know that in the future I’ll return back

And there’s nothing I can do

It’s half my life

Without it my life would be meaningless

Yes but for now I have no choice but to say

Goodbye

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The End

I’ve been caught

Who knows what’s gonna happen now?

If only I had stayed away

If only he’d come a minute late

If only I’d never found this

If only I was a good girl

If only I stayed focus and on task

Things would have been different

I see the door closing in my face

And this time I know

That this is the very end

This is the end…

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The cycle repeated itself…

I really should stop it but I can’t

I keep going back to what I was before

Keep falling into the same trap

It just keeps drawing me back

And I can’t let it go

Trying to get it out my mind

But it’s in control of my life

I feel so lost, broken

I hate when this cycle repeats itself over and over again

Its like it’s never ending

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The Counselors Office…

I got called to the counselors office during break. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a bad kid at school or anything. She just wanted to check up with how I was coping in school.

☰ ☱ ☲ ☳ ☴ ☵ ☶ ☷☰ ☱ ☲ ☳ ☴ ☵ ☶ ☷☰ ☱ ☲ ☳ ☴ ☵ ☶ ☷☰ ☱ ☲ ☳ ☴ ☵ ☶ ☷☰ ☱ ☲ ☳ ☴

“How are you?”

   “Okay?”

“Anything your struggling with in school? Academically, friendship wise?”

-Blah blah complaining how I need to learn History from scratch, How I had some catch up to do with Inter Physics and Chemistry, how the format of math questioning is different, how I’m struggling to learn Thai.-

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“That was all just academically…Friendship wise?”

“…Okay?”

“That didn’t sound very convincing…”

☰ ☱ ☲ ☳ ☴ ☵ ☶ ☷☰ ☱ ☲ ☳ ☴ ☵ ☶ ☷☰ ☱ ☲ ☳ ☴ ☵ ☶ ☷☰ ☱ ☲ ☳ ☴ ☵ ☶ ☷☰ ☱ ☲ ☳ ☴

To be honest…I feel kind of lonely in this new school. Everyone seems to be in their own cliques. The girls are really nice, they try to include me in activities, and talk to me. But still….I kind of miss the old environment I was in…

I know you don’t make BFFs in like two weeks so I can’t really expect myself to magically have one now unless I’m a unicorn with magic powers which I can use to magically get a best friend.

Anyways….moving on…

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She said she’s going to check up with me again in November which I am NOT looking forward to for no apparent reason. I just don’t like it when people ask me questions about my life. I am an introvert after all, plus I don’t really trust people. I’m a hard nut to crack 😀

I have a Thai test tomorrow which I am NOT prepared for at all. I better go cram all those Thai vocabulary in my brain and hope it stays in there till tomorrow.

R.I.P Me [Rest In Pieces]

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I deceived myself….

I wrote previously that I had left it all behind. That I was over it all…but I was just deceiving myself…

I still think about it day and night. I stalk my profile on my computer, I stalk others and I wish I was still there. I missed out so much, I wish I was there still. I don’t understand why I still feel drawn to it.

Its been officially 23 days since I went on that app, since all the drama happened. It takes 21 days to break a habit or an addiction. Yet here I am…not able to break free of this addiction after 23 days.

The people there were like my family…they made me feel happy and included. They made me feel special, I can’t just forget them. Even though I didn’t know them in real life, I sometimes felt closer to them than the people in real life.

I’ve ranted to a few people from that app, using other social media like line, about how I missed the community so much. I actually got one guy super irritated until he told me to shut up and get a therapist. (And Amnesia so I can forget everything about it ;-; )

Honestly I have no idea what to do…

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I wish I could get you
Out of my mind
But I think about it all the time
And I wish I could not think
For once in my life
But when I see your face
I can’t escape my mind

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